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Today I found out that my cousin's girlfriend is pregnant.
From all the people I could have heard it from, I heard it from my boss at work, who happens to know the girlfriend's family and mentioned it to me as if I or the rest of his/my family knew about it, which they do not. When I confronted my friends about this they played dumb with me, and then confessed that I wasn't supposed to know about it.
Normally this type of thing might be celebrated, however, in this instance I dont think it could be worse news for many reasons. For one, my cousin has been unemployed for 6 months, his girlfriend has been unemployed for over a year(and has never really had a real job). He is 24, she is 20. He lives in my grandparents basement, she lives there too for some god awful reason even though it is not his house and they are not married. Both of them are basically illiterate, lazy, leeches who get by only on welfare and the assistance of others.
But this isnt really why I am upset. There is a lot of history to be shared, but Ill spare you a 3 page journal and cut to the chase.
It has secretly been my hope for a long time that my cousin would grow to become a successful and responsible man, that he would be different from his father, that he would overcome terrible odds, and having accomplished those things the very strained efforts of the grandparents who raised him would be validated. In fact, I even hoped it would validate my presence in his life as the ever constant voice of caution. I had hoped I could make a difference.
But he has failed us... and he has failed ME! I tried... I tried so fucking hard to watch over him.
And here I am, with this secret burning a hole in me. I want to scream it. I want to tell every relative, and the grandparents he has sucked on like a leech since childhood. I want to confront him, let him know what a fucking retard he is, THAT I TOLD YOU SO, and beat the life out of him.
But I wont. What good would it do. I tried to help him my whole life and he never listened... he never listened to me... ever.
Whether he knows it or not this child is a living symbol of his inability to escape fate, and of his betrayal of our efforts to aid him.
From all the people I could have heard it from, I heard it from my boss at work, who happens to know the girlfriend's family and mentioned it to me as if I or the rest of his/my family knew about it, which they do not. When I confronted my friends about this they played dumb with me, and then confessed that I wasn't supposed to know about it.
Normally this type of thing might be celebrated, however, in this instance I dont think it could be worse news for many reasons. For one, my cousin has been unemployed for 6 months, his girlfriend has been unemployed for over a year(and has never really had a real job). He is 24, she is 20. He lives in my grandparents basement, she lives there too for some god awful reason even though it is not his house and they are not married. Both of them are basically illiterate, lazy, leeches who get by only on welfare and the assistance of others.
But this isnt really why I am upset. There is a lot of history to be shared, but Ill spare you a 3 page journal and cut to the chase.
It has secretly been my hope for a long time that my cousin would grow to become a successful and responsible man, that he would be different from his father, that he would overcome terrible odds, and having accomplished those things the very strained efforts of the grandparents who raised him would be validated. In fact, I even hoped it would validate my presence in his life as the ever constant voice of caution. I had hoped I could make a difference.
But he has failed us... and he has failed ME! I tried... I tried so fucking hard to watch over him.
And here I am, with this secret burning a hole in me. I want to scream it. I want to tell every relative, and the grandparents he has sucked on like a leech since childhood. I want to confront him, let him know what a fucking retard he is, THAT I TOLD YOU SO, and beat the life out of him.
But I wont. What good would it do. I tried to help him my whole life and he never listened... he never listened to me... ever.
Whether he knows it or not this child is a living symbol of his inability to escape fate, and of his betrayal of our efforts to aid him.
You did alright, kid.
I'm writing this, because looking back at my journals from nearly a decade ago, I can see how anxious and uncertain I was about the future. While it is true that sacrifices were made, and great lengths of time were spent far from home, it wasn't for nothing. Those years away forced me to grow, and taught me the value of family as well as friends. I wish I could say that I didn't make any mistakes along the way. That growth is painless, or without cost. But life is rarely so simple as to offer only clear paths and right choices. Which is why I feel odd sitting here, in the relative comfort of my own home, looking back at what feels like someone else's life. Old hopes... Old fears... I'd just like to let that kid know that everything turned out okay. Better in many ways than he could have hoped for, but with room for a few dreams still.
The Corporate Ladder
In a surprising turn of events, I find myself once again being promoted. I was offered an MIT (Manager In Training) position, and am now preparing to be able to run my own store. On top of the immediate boost to my salary for being an MIT, should I succeed and become a General Manager, my income will more than double.
There are risks and sacrifices involved though. For one, I will more than likely work a 60 hour week... every single week... forever. I will also be required to move or travel wherever corporate tells me to, and leave behind my friends and family. The position itself is very demanding too, and failure to perform will certainly
Bide
Having spent the last few weeks talking with bankers, mortgage brokers, and realtors (and spending hours on end laying on my bed staring at the ceiling) I have come to the conclusion that I cannot afford a house. Even though houses in my area have dropped in price to historic lows, sometimes down 100k from their list price 5 years ago, it is still too much to handle given that I am just one dude, with no friends.
Which, is fairly depressing. I told myself that I would save money from my new job for a down payment on a house, which I did. I talked with mortgage brokers and was approved for the necessary loans. And while I could buy the house,
A Change of Pace
I was recently promoted at work, and am now a proud member of 'Management'.
I don't have to work for an hourly wage anymore, or do manual labor. Instead, I have a good salary and work mainly in customer service.
Seeing other people driving new cars, mowing their lawns, and tending to children used to fill me with violent rage. But now all of those things are within reach, and that is a wonderful feeling.
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Comments8
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well to be honest I hope the baby comes out dead, mostly because of what you just stated